This is in continuation of and also connecting a thread from my post – My breakfast has changed for the last month…
How many of you remember – how you learnt to walk?; how do learnt to write? I do. How many of you need to make an effort to stand at the same place? I do. How many of you have felt the movement of your legs and feet to take you forward? I do it with every step I take.
For someone who could walk 10/20Kms without a hitch; who could jump off walls without thinking twice; who could float in air to catch a basketball, this is a huge change. But then that is life for you.
Recently I was at home for over a month suffering from TB. This is when I read ‘Many Lives Many Masters’ – where people have past life experiences. It was undoubtedly a fascinating read. But what hit me while I was reading the book was something that maybe only I can relate to…what hit me was the fact that I was indeed living a second life within the same lifetime. The book transcends the boundaries of life and death, as it is believed that there is no end, you just move from one life to another to another…
That is how I felt one June morning in 1992. My life moved on from being perfect to a near death experience. I was affected by Polyneuritis [Inflammation of several nerves at one time, marked by paralysis, pain, and muscle wasting. Also called multiple neuritis.] Now that I know what was happening inside my body, I can see the motor powers of the nerves of my limbs degenerating within 2Hrs. Now I can feel the importance of the ears, not only to hear but to balance; I have lost that piece nearly 50%. My balance is more-or-less like that of a 3/4 year old; I noticed this as I could feel my body do the exact things as what my son did to balance.
What this illness took away from me is my youth, my freedom. But what it gave was – a lust for life; a never ending push to go on.
I know that death can come anytime, but then that is true for all of us, just that I might have a better chance of winning that race! The steroids that I had to have left me with a ‘weighty’ problem.
What this illness also gave me was a very clear understanding of life. In the two years that I spent on the bed, I understood the hardships that my parents went through, I understood the relationship that I had developed with people I called friends, I understood who I was and what life had become; I understood that this couldn’t be undone!
Why I write about it today is … I do not know… maybe this is a gratitude note of a kind (for being alive) … I do not know… All that I know is that the loss is huge, it takes a lot of effort just to be normal and some more to perform.